Market Comments

I'm taking a couple of hours away from coding to write this document in which I say "thank you" to everyone who takes time out to comment on my Android applications that are hosted at the Android Market. I'm not being sarcastic – this is genuine thanks – since they provide an apparently endless source of mirth for both me and my wife.

As a seasoned software engineer, I'm unhurt by the apathy and disdain users can exhibit and I suspect that my wife secretly regards the whole process of software development slightly pointless anyway. So I'm not trying to retaliate by highlighting these comments. Of course, positive comments are always nice to receive. And if any one who has posted or emailed constructive feedback is reading this I'd like to extend special thanks to them.

Having read all of the comments for Pintail and Paw Paw Keyboard twice over, I feel well qualified to draw attention to some of the comments I've particularly enjoyed. Anyone disappointed by not being featured here, can tell it to the market.

Paw Paw Comments

Paw Paw Keyboard is an early release demo of a touch screen keyboard I'm developing. First I must apologize to the people who's time I've wasted with this bullshit application:

Kayanteniece
Bunch of bs!! Wasted mii time dwnloadin this...plz help meh...is the a betta app den diz 1

Unfortunately I don't think any keyboard is going to help Kayanteniece. It doesn't take as much time to comprehend what other users think of the application. Charles shows mastery of dramatic writing, splitting one good word into two for added emphasis:

charles
Point less

No misinterpreting that feedback, but some of it can be quite opaque:

jizzle
Its light

Thanks jizzle – maybe – with an accompanying rating of three stars, I'm still nonplussed - is that good or bad?

I'm touched by seth's misplaced concern

seth
Im wont completely crush ya but cupcake is coming to a network near you soon and will have on-screen keyboard. No need for this obsolete app.

Since Paw Paw Keyboard relies on 'cupcake' being released for its completion, seth can stop worrying. Though I do myself worry about some of my users like Frederick - I'm not sure which geometry forms the basis for the universe he finds himself in:

Frederick
Please make the screen turnable when you face it down, its much rather then the standing position , jz hard to press coz not too much space

Though I do appreciate that he has taken the time to provide feedback that could make the application more usable (in his particular space-time). I also worry for Aloma's safety and that of her passengers:

Aloma
I would love for this to apply for all apps. It will stop me driving with my knee.

Maybe she's being just being comical. Paul on the other hand has a wonderful grasp of irony:

Paul
Keys need to be WAAAAAAAY bigger and needs to use the accelerometer(I cant spell)

Accelerometer spelt correctly; if only he hadn't let us know he expected to misspell it, misspelling "can't" in the process.

Quentin
No...Chomp SMS sets the standard for on-screen keyboards

I'm not sure what question he's answering, but Quentin clearly brooks no argument while lashaunda borders on the philosophical:

lashaunda
wats the purpose of this ...clearly nothin

From metaphysical considerations to logical fallacies:

doug
If u can design this why dont we have cupcake :(

And finally from logical fallacy to surreality:

joel
Keep up the god work maybe a sliding curtain for the numbers

Unfortunately the market app limits the number of comments you see, so I can't give you the name of the poster who left my favourite message to-date: "Should be called useless useless"

Pintail Comments

On to some comments on Pintail, an app that can help you to locate your phone and share your location with people you trust.

Cap starts us off with a penetrating insight into the psychology of mobile phone ownership:

Cap
This is more bad ass than most apps on the market. Worked perfect and has impressed all my friends, ultimately thats what counts right?

Thanks Cap, I think you're probably on-the-money. But not everyone's as happy with Pintail:

Jamilla
Wont give me a location....keeps sayin unknown! That sucks cheeks!

My mind boggles every time I read that comment. I'm not sure this guy is happy with Pintail either:

Eddy
This application ruined my life!!! My girl caught me at sanchas house now she left me and all I got is this lousy phone.... :(

Derek's had some bad luck too:

Derek
Maybe a little too smart. My girl walked in on me and her best friend goin at it.

Smart phone, infidelity not so smart. Luckily for him, Brandon saw this coming:

Brandon
A guys worst nightmare..

I think this is what Robs was thinking of when he wrote:

Robs
Nice! Should be called... "Catch their lying cheatin ass"!

Along with "useless useless", I could have two of the best named applications on the market.

Tae takes things up a notch; stalk your woman and she won't be able to cheat:

Tae
This is great!!! Now I know where she is all the time..

Sorry Tae but that's just creepy. I just hope that Pintail hasn't unleashed the torrent of spousal stalking the market comments suggest.

Tom — January 2009